Thankful for my Dad

Today I am sharing my thanks for my father. Its been about 6 years since I was able to spend time with him.  The last time I spent alone time with him was at the hospital before he passed way, I sat by his bed and sang Amazing Grace to him.  You see I knew there wasnt a lot of time left to spend with him and this was about the only thing that I could get out of my mouth.  As touching as that sounds, I know if he would of been able, he probably would of asked me to stop.  LOL I dont have the best of a singing voice and he wouldnt of been shy about telling me so.  :)  My dad was a tell it how it is type of guy and he wasnt to concerned with who liked him.   He himself would tell you he cared way more about animals then people.  Oddly enough, this warmed my heart because I knew his love was so HUGE for animals that it wasnt an insult to mankind at all. 

When I think of my father I think of:
Easter egg hunts every easter with plastic eggs w/ money in them.
Pretty dresses he loved to buy us
His beard thinner I unfortunately mistaked for a comb.
Camping and fishing
Meatballs
Sausage links for breakfast
Diet Pepsi
Pall Malls
The sound of his voice when he said "sweetheart"
"Love You More"
Quarters under the diet pepsi can.
Wendy Oaks
Appliances
Used Cars
How much he loved his grandkids, they meant the world to him and he loved to tease them.
His habit of saying EXACTLY what was on his mind.
Garlic
Dogs
His desire for us to appreciate what we had and never stop chasing  our dreams.

My dad and I had a relationship that grew stronger as I got older.  I cherish the time I had with my dad and I am thankful that I had an open heart and didnt shut doors to our relationship when things weren't always exactly what I may have wanted.  I have a firm belief that both my parents did the best they could with what they knew.  As my dad grew older and wiser and knew more, he implemented it.  I have wonderful memories with him as a little girl and some even fonder ones when I was an adult.  As much as it pained me to be there thru the diabetes and his leg amputation, I am thankful that I got to be part of his life at that time.  Its at our darkest hours that sometimes God can bring the biggest blessings and my dad was a huge blessing to me.  I miss him very much and will be forever thankful him teaching me to appreciate what I had, to try to understand my husbands point of view in a disagreement, (My dad LOVED my husband and as far as he was concerned Dan could do no wrong, so this served as a tool for me to understand Dan's side more when I was upset with him about something).  My dad taught me about making things work for yourself, keeping my head out of the clouds and my feet on the ground.  He was a hard worker and an amazing man.  I love him very much and am thankful for all the things I learned from him and that God decided to make him my dad. 

When I get where I'm going
On the far side of the sky
The first thing that I'm gonna do
Is spread my wings and fly
I'm gonna land beside a lion
And run my fingers through his mane
Or I might find out what it's like
To ride a drop of rain

Yeah when I get where I'm going
There'll be only happy tearsI will shed the sins and struggles
I have carried all these years
And I'll leave my heart wide open
I will love and have no fear
Yeah when I get where I'm going
Don't cry for me down here

Day 4 Thankful for my Freedom

Today I give thanks for my freedom.  We have many freedoms that millions of the people in this world do not have.  I am thankful I am free to worship God, make choices for my life, express my opinion and many many more freedoms that I am blessed to have.  I also take this opportunity to ask anyone reading this to pray for the people in this world that do not have these freedoms, people who spend years upon years in prison for doing the things many of us take for granted.

Thankful For My Mother

I am so very thankful for my mother. Although I have not seen my mother for almost 17 years, I will never forget the things she taught or the sacrafices she made for me.

I was 25 years old the day my mother passed away. Wow thats just a year older then our oldest child is now. :( My mother was a hard working woman, who worked in the factory all day and would come home to work the garden and the animals on our farm at night and all thru her weekends. I dont think she ever took a vacation, spent much time shopping for herself, or really expected to much out of life other then the basics. She was an amazingly open woman whom you never had to guess where she was coming from. If you did something to upset her, you would be the FIRST to know. She wouldnt spend any time telling the rest the world, she'd bring it to you and resolve it with you.

When I think of my Mom I think of:
Her silver coffee pot
Her spot at the kitchen table
Her yummy lasagna
The evidence of the garden on her hands
Casseroles like Green Bean Casserole and Scalloped Potatos and Ham
The picture that hung above her bed.
The little school spirit pom poms she made for my shoes
Her enormously huge strawberry patch
Mowing the yard with her for hours upon hours
Ham sandwiches with chips on them and a glass of lemonade.
Her beautiful hands and the way she'd reach for you with them to show her love.
The way she called me a hopless romantic.
The sound of her voice when she said Rebecca Marie
The winter coat she made me when we couldnt afford to buy a new one and my desire to make her think it was EXACTLY the coat I wanted
Her Easter Egg hunts she did for all the kids and the bags full of candy everyone took home.
The way she loved any child who stepped foot on her farm, it didnt matter if the child was her grandchild, a friend of her grandchild, a child of a b/f or g/f of the family, everyone was
treated the same and everyone was loved on.

My mother was the REAL DEAL as I like to refer to people who are what you see and you see what you get. Its hard to believe I haven't seen her for 17 years. I spent most of my adult life with out her and although there is a emptiness from not having her here, she has always been what has made me who I am. I am so thankful for a mother who taught me how to be selfless, put others first, speak the truth, ALWAYS care about how I make people feel, always encourage and build others up but remember accountability is part of life. My mother has made me so many things that I am today and I miss her. I sometimes squeeze my eyes as tight as I can thinking the tighter I close them the better I can remember her face, her touch, her hands and her eyes.

 I often meet up with her late at night, in my dreams she is often there and in the morning when I wake instead of crying that it was just a dream, I smile that my dreams help me to never forget the woman she was. My 3rd November thanks, is for my mother Dororthy Charlette and everything she was. I love you Mom!

Thankful For My Kitchen Table

Day 2
I am so thankful for my kitchen table.  My table holds so many memories that I sometimes wish there was a video of all the things that have taken place around this table so I could go back and review and enjoy those times over and over again.

Most people who have visited my house know if you come over, you will seldom see me in front of the TV but you will almost always see me at my kitchen table.  This table represents so much to me and I have communicated with so many people from this kitchen table.  Either because I am sitting here on the phone talking to someone, or I am on the computer corresponding with someone thru email or facebook or my very favorite is when people are sitting here around my table with me.  We tend to call it table talk and I have shared in table talk around this table with probably hundreds of people. 

I think back of some of my favorite memories at this table. 
**We always eat our meals at our kitchen table.  Saying prayer, sharing a meal and sharing our highs and lows of the day is one of my favorite memories. 
**Sitting up late into the night with Daniel at one end of the table doing his homework and me finding something to do at the other end.  Either surfing the net, social networking, studying the word, reading a magazine, whatever I could do to keep myself awake because I have always hated going to bed and leaving anyone up with tasks left unfinished in a quiet house by themself.  I guess it was my way of showing him support for the endless hours he put into getting good grades and always giving 100%.
**My childrens friends have many a times came over and flat out told me that they just enjoy sitting around the table talking.  We have had some CRAZY conversations around this table and a lot of fun.  I hope I planted seeds in their lives so that when they are older they take the time out to just sit around and talk to teens about whats important to them. 
**Playing games around my table with my many family members and friends is one of my most treasured memories.  I spent some of my most enjoyable times with my father the last couple years he was alive, with all of us trying to beat eachother out of our quarters.  :)
**If I could count all the times my children sat down and shared things with me, their dreams for their future, things going on in their lives etc.  I bet 95% of those conversations took place at this kitchen table. 
**I can remember Derek at this table with his dice and paper, way back to when he was just a little boy.  I was always impressed with the games he would play and needed nothing but the dice and paper. The ability these games he thought of had in keeping his friends interest for hours when they would come over.
** Coloring Easter Eggs with my kids who would amuse me and continue doing this long past the age they really wanted to participate. 
**Watching Mark put so much effort into trying to polish the scratches from this table that its endured over the years, reminds me of his desire to take good care of the things in life that are important to him.  He has always put great care into taking care of things and its nice to know this table was imporant enough to him to do that.
**The projects we worked on at this kitchen table.  Either working up bids with Dan for the business or helping the kids with their school projects and probably helping more then I should.  :)
**It warmed my heart at Aarons Sr Presentation when he made mention of this table and all the table talk that he enjoyed around this table when he was growing up.  It was nice to hear that all those hours sitting up talking really mattered to him. 
**The times I spent with my close friends, sitting up till the wee hours of the morning, sharing our hearts, bouncing ideas off eachother, just not wanting to give in and call it a night because the conversation was just to enjoyable.
**I believe this kitchen table played a huge part in me getting to know the 3 women in my older boys lives that mean so much to them.  It doesnt matter if I have known them 5 years or a few months.  There is just something that happens when Paige, Beth and Emily sit down around this table.  Their abilty to open up and just be themselves is such a huge blessing to me. 
**The memory of the times spent with Tara and her g/fs around this table.  Most memorable being when they all came to rally and support her the days before she left for the guard.
**Sitting at this table putting the flowers together for Tara's wedding to Jarrod.  The great times us ladies had doing that.
**The cookie bakes and the wonderful times we had doing those around this table.
**So much of who I am and my own personal ministry to love on people and encourage people has happend around this table.

I am so thankful for this table that can be a table for 4 or made large enough that I think we have fit 12 to 14 chairs around it.  I am thankful for everything we have built in love around this table.

Thankful

I am going to try to spend each day in the month of November sharing what I am thankful for.  I started this on Nov 1st but didnt get the post posted to my blog so I will make up for that by reposting day 1 now and post day 2 later today.

Most importantly the first thing I would like to give thanks for is my relationship with Jesus Christ.   I look back at the way my life was before I had a relationship with Christ and the way it is now and it is a ton different.  I still have problems, I still get my heart broke, I still fear things, I still worry, I mess up, make huge mistakes, sometimes feel anxious............ all the things that are not of Christ, still creeps into my life.  The difference between now and then is I now have a safe place to go and I know those things are not of the life God has planned for me.  I have a best friend, a father and a love all in one main for sure thing and that is my relationship with Jesus Christ. 

So on my first sharing of thanks for November, I want to thank Jesus for accepting me just the way I am, for loving me regardless of my mess ups and for being that constant in my life. 

Jealousy

It sort of sounds like a dirty word doesn't it?  Thats because it can be.  Jealousy is one of the most powerful emotions because it causes people to do things that they may not normally do in the right state of mind.  I mean  jealousy really can put a person out of their mind.   People are willing to do crazy things for the mere fact that they are jealous of someone, including but not limited to, being hateful, excluding people,  abuse, lieing about, destroying a persons reputation, causing other people to alienate someone and even murdering the person they are jealous of.  All done simply because that person has acquired something in life that they want for themself.   The damage a person can do to another person out of a jealous fit or rage is not only ridiculous but down right scary.  It says in  James 3:16 For where jealousy and selfish ambition exist, there will be disorder and every vile practice.

I bet if you asked my kids what I taught them about jealousy they'd tell you I said its a normal feeling that people get.  I truly feel it is, but the way some people respond to that feeling is FAR FAR from normal.  In fact I distinctly remember telling my children.  "Don't be afraid to admit your jealous, most everyone has probably been jealous at one time or another, but be VERY CAREFUL how you handle your jealousy."  You see just because I am jealous of the lady who I see at the grocery store who can still fit into her size 5 jeans, it doesnt give me the right to run around the store telling people shes a thief and I saw her eating the grapes in the produce department.  Does that sound crazy? Well it is, but sadly enough people often times will try to destroy another person or make that person look bad simply because they are jealous of them. Lets face it the worse they look to everyone else, the less there is to be jealous of ..... right?  So now we put off feeling jealous and traded it in for guilt and something to be held accountable for.  Yes I believe we will be held accountable for pain we bring onto other people, and destroying another person to make yourself less jealous causes that person a HUGE amount of pain. 

Raising 5 kids, and growing up around a load of siblings, I have seen my fair share of jealousy.  I think its unfortunate that parents don't talk to their kids a bit more about this feeling called jealousy.  There are some people out there walking around hating on other people and they dont even have a clue why.  If you ask them why they dislike the person they may beable to sputter out some nonsense about how that person isnt living their life the way they should, or they just don't like their personality, but I bet many a times there might be a form of jealousy that lays under all that hate.  Now dont get me wrong, I am not saying that you are jealous of every single person you have ever disliked, but I'd be brave enough to say that I bet a few of those people made your DO NOT LIKE list because of something that started out with jealousy. 

I am not afraid to admit to being jealous.  If I am jealous of something I will say I am jealous.  I would rather admit to that dirty word of emotion then ignore it and let it grow into something I myself dont even know where it originated from.  I heard a sermon from Joyce Meyers once where she talked about jealousy...... she had some pretty good advice....... if you are really jealous of someone, get to know that person, work along side them, you may find out they don't have as much to be jealous of as you thought.   You may then realize everything that person has went thru to get to where they are.  Great musicians are not born, they practice and often time spend countless hours mastering their instrument.  Great athletes invest endless hours into themself and go make huge physical sacrafices.  Theres always an investment a person makes to get to where they are at.  If nothing else, working alongside that person will also help you to take the focus off yourself and be a blessing to someone else. 

Undealt with jealousy almost always leads to anger and anger of course can destroy anything in its path.  Heres a thought, the next time you find yourself really angry with someone, try to check yourself and make sure those feelings arent stemmed from jealousy.    Once you realize they are from jealousy, you realize the problem your having is really your problem and has nothing to do with the other person. 

I want to encourage anyone reading this to take a real close look at yourself.  I bet you have some really awesome gifts and talents, alot to offer this world, I hope you are using those gifts and dont leave them to this world unopened.  BEST of all, once you focus on your own gifts you won't be as inclined to be jealous of other peoples gifts.  God Bless!!!  :)

Stolen Pieces of My Heart

Have you ever had your heart broke?  or worse yet had pieces of it missing because someone captured a part of it so strongly that it goes with them everywhere and they just can't return it?  This thief, the one who stole a piece of your heart probably had no intentions of doing so but they just did it.  In fact they would probably spend a great deal of time trying to glue it back if they thought they could, the reality is they can't, they will have it with them forever. 

I spent some time this week feeling like I had a broken heart.  You know the feeling..... feeling in your gut that you just cant remove, the lump in your throat that your afraid to swallow because if you do, you just might then get sick.  Then the tears that just set right at the base of your eyelids that are ready to pour out just at the mention of the person who the mere thought of is creating all this emotion.  Yep thats been the raw feelings I have been carrying around for the last several days.  I felt like my heart was just broken, till today, I realized it is not broken at all.

This morning as I stood in church listening to the music and worshiping the Lord, the worship team started to sing a song that had the words "You've stolen my heart, oh yes you have"  As I sang that song that is refering to the way the Lord steals our heart when we fall in love with him, I realized there are other times in life that certain very special people steal pieces of my heart.   I realized that this feeling that I have been walking around with is not that of a broken heart.  A broken heart is hurt, suffering, damaged, but for me it is more of a piece of it is just not as close to me as I'd like it to be right now.  There is a piece that belongs to one special person and that person is not around like I have been accustomed to and he took that piece with him.  Although this can be very sad, it can be a joyful thing as well. 

This past week, I helped my 2nd to youngest child Daniel get ready to leave for college.   You would think that for as much of a struggle as it was and is, that I sent him off to Japan or something, but hes actually only 1 hour away.  :)  Yes 1 HOUR.   You would also think he was my first child to ever say good bye to... which of course is not the case.  Regardless of my experience with letting go or how close he is going to be, things are just not going to be the same, he will be exactly 1 hour further away then my heart would like him to be.  He is also the 4th child who has now done this to me and I have the unfortunate knowledge of knowing that one that is running around the house right now pretending to need me is going to do the same exact thing far sooner then I want him to. 

I had a new friend tell me this weekend that raising children is a "Lifetime of Letting Go".  She is very correct, from the time they are born you are in some way letting go.  I remember the first time after coming home from the hospitial with each of my children when I would leave the house and leave my child with their father.  I had carried that child in my belly for several months yet now I was headed out the door and leaving him behind...... this was when the Lifetime of Letting Go started for me.  So I agree with my new friend that raising children is a Lifetime of Letting Go. 

As for this phase in Daniel's life, I realize my heart is not broken, he has simply stolen a piece of it that will never be returned.   Would I want it any other way?  Do I want to keep him at home and not encourage him along lifes journey?  Of course not!!  Do I realize how lucky I am to have a child that is healthy and able to go live on his own in a dorm and meet new people?  YES DEFINITELY!!  Am I thankful that he got above excellent grades that led to scholarships that gave him this opportunity?  Again definitely!!  Do I think he picked the right college for him?  For sure!  So all those things that people can tell me as I walk around with a piece of my heart missing, I promise I already know.  :)   I would not want this to be any other way.  But I for now, my heart is just a bit at a loss and has to learn how to function although another piece of it is missing. I say another because of course Tara, Mark and Aaron are all carrying pieces around with them.  My parents of course have taken pieces with them and others who are just no longer as close to me physically as I would like for them to be.  I am thankful that I have had the pleasure of having so many special people in my life and that  my heart is not broken but just pieces of it are stolen.  :)