Page 211

I have a friend named Heather Weber.  We attend the same church, in fact she is an Associate Pastor at our church.  If I can be real with you...... isn't that what blogs are for?  I have always found Heather to be an interesting person, someone I enjoy visiting with, learning from, sharing with.    Its interesting to me that we are so different yet so much alike.  We all know people that we just know if our lives intersect and we get the chance to spend even a bit of time with them, we will walk away changed.  For me Heather is one of those people.  I find her matter of fact yet nurturing spirit to be one I am easily drawn to. 

Heather told me awhile back about the book she had in the works and I have been excited to read it.   Her book is called Dear Boy and its a Memoir.  I planned to get her book at her book signing this coming Friday but then realized I will be at my sons school, decorating for a show choir event.  Bummed I'd miss the event but eager to read the book I got my book from Heather yesterday.  For me personally I knew it was a book I'd have to sit down with and commit myself to it because I wouldn't want to walk away from it.  I knew the book was about losing her brother among other things.  I myself having lost a brother just recently, I knew the book would touch me. 

I finished the book today, I am forever changed by it.  It opened some issues up for me that I have buried somewhere deep within me.  Today being a snow day...(actually a too cold to go to school day), I was curled up on the couch with this book and my son was busy with his own thing in another room.   My son came into the room to find me in tears, actually sobbing, he was of course concerned and asked if I was ok.  I told him it was the book and the way it was touching me.  He responded "Well maybe you shouldn't read the book"  :)  Typical of a 17 year old young man heh? "Lets not bother with things that cause us any emotional discomfort."  :)  Bless his heart!!   I told him, "Actually this book is EXACTLY what I need"  You see my brother died just a little short of 11 months ago.  His death came 2 months after a very dear and cherished friend died from injuries in a car accident.  She was in the hospital for 2 months, we prayed, we hoped, we eventually had to say Good Bye.  I never told my brother Good Bye because he died suddenly many, many miles away.  His death was so painful and retching that I actually buried it deep within me and have just stayed focused on my dear friend Kathy.   I have been mourning the loss of Kathy for just over a year, burying my brothers death deep because its to much to handle both.  I have some work to do.  I have to try to allow myself to mourn.  Page 211 of Dear Boy was like my heart opened up and a flood of pain came rushing out.  I stopped reading because I couldn't even see the page not even a fourth of the way thru it, I collected myself and tried again.... again I couldn't get to far before the pain flooded over me.   I put the book down and went back to it at least 6 to 7 times before I could read page 211.  Page 211 is the beginning of something I have been putting off for almost 11 months.  It hurts so bad to even scratch the surface of how to release what I locked away on the evening of February 11, 2013 while making that long straight thru trip to Florida where my oldest brother died.   I locked his death away, so deep that it really wasn't till Page 211 that I could admit to myself it is buried somewhere deep within me and it truly needs to be dealt with.... and that has begun. 

So.... What BIG thing are you doing in YOUR life RIGHT NOW?

First Sunday of the year I spent it where I plan to spend most of my Sunday mornings. 
Among awesome people at Life Church.
 I know you don't have to go to church to believe in God, I guess since I believe in God I want to go to church. (that's just what works for me)    :) 

Praising, Serving, Belonging, Being Fed Spiritually
For me personally .....Its about the fellowship with other believers, hearing people singing praises to the Lord, serving people who come thru the doors and just being part of something that is so much bigger then I will ever be.  

Sometimes people ask me what I get out of church.  Although I get much more then just the words of the sermon, todays sermon was so great I wanted to share what I got from it today. 

 

What BIG thing are you going after this year?
What BIG thing are you doing in your life right now?

Be persistent in prayer. Keep Asking, Keep Seeking, Keep Knocking
Luke 11;10 For everyone who asks receives; the one who seeks finds; and to the one who knocks, the door will be opened.

Go after something SO BIG that without God it would be sure to fail.

What will you do with the ONE LIFE you have?

As a Mom..... some of my best advice......DECISIONS

Often times I have been asked about raising such great kids.  It sound boastful to even type that out, but I really have.  I am always proud to hear when people comment about their work ethic, their manners, their confidence, how thoughtful they are....... its of course great to hear all of those things.  I have had young moms ask my advice in regard to numerous different matters and I honestly think that I (like many other moms) could write a book. There are so many topics you could cover, honesty, organizationg, sibling rivalry, favortism, the list goes on and on. 

I have often thought about and discussed with many people the most important advice I have to offer.  One thing that often comes to mind is the word 'decisions'.  In life from the time you are a young toddler there are so many opportunities to make a decision and then see and sometimes feel the consequence for that decision.  I think parents often times rob their children of the opportunity to become level headed strong decision makers by making decisions for their children to an extreme. 

I often wondered how parents think their kids are going to be able to make important decisions when they are 21 or 22 if you cant even let them make the extremely unimportant ones at the age of 12.  The ability to make a good decision and understand there will be an outcome from your decision is not something you just learn to master overnight.  It really needs to start at a young age.   

Of course there are some decisions you need to make for your children.  However I do feel at a very young age you have to start allowing them to make some decisions for themself.   Some suggestions could be;  What foods they want to eat.  (with guidance) What clothes they want to wear.  (not a battle I ever chose to fight)  How they want to wear their hair.  (Trust me on this one, you would rather have a 7 year old with a crazy hair cut then a 24 year old doing crazy things because they were never allowed to when they were young).   I knew a mom who told her daughter how to wear her hair into adulthood.  Those same daughters hid things from their mothers and grew up to be young women who struggled with making their own decisions. 

I cant count how many times I have heard a parent battle it out with a kid about if its warm enough outside to go without a coat.  My approach on this was this, I will tell my child its cold out, I will suggest they wear a coat, I will in fact suggest they go outside to check out the chill themself.  If after all that they want to insist on not wearing a coat, more power to them.   Are they gonna be cold?  Yeah probably!!  Are they gonna learn real quick it might be a good idea to take a coat the next time?  UH HUH!!!  This is a lesson that sometimes even 15 year olds try to challenge from time to time.  Just this year I suggested to my 15 year old Derek to take his coat with him one morning when heading out for a Jazz Band trip.  He got short with me about not needing a coat.  I bit my tongue and took him to meet the bus at school.  Once we got there it was obvious everyone standing outside had a coat on and it was tough for me to watch him get out with his long sleeve white dress shirt on, knowing he was getting on a cold bus and gonna take a cold trip.  In fact I was tempted to try to run back home, grab his coat and make it back before the bus left......... but I knew better.  I knew if my son is going to gain the ability to not only make decisions but even consider other peoples suggestions, then I needed to not interfere. 

I could give a ton of examples of times I wanted to intervene.  I wanted to make the decision for my child because I thought I knew better then they did.   Sometimes if not most, I being older and wiser, did have a better idea of what should be done or what would work best.... but in the midst of trying to make sure everything is perfect for our children, we are messing them up as adults.  Adults NEED to have the ability to make decisions.  The best way to give your children that tool is to guide and suggest but dont insist that every decision be made the way you know is best.  :)  Let them travel their own journeys thru life, even if it means they show up at church with shorts and a pair of red cowboy boots, trust me, it wont be the end of the world.  :)    You just may end up one day with people saying to you........"Wow your kids are so level headed and confident, what did you do to help them to grow in that way?"  :)  Your response can be "Decisions, I let them make some of their own decisions" 

God Bless!!

This road of fitness I am on

So I started body pump about 3 weeks ago.  1st week I went Mon and Friday (I posted my last blog on that Tuesday)  2nd week I went Mon, Wed and Friday.  3rd week (this week) I have went Mon and Wed and will be back on Friday.   Actually this week I thought I'd mix it up and attend a cardio class on Tuesday and wanted to share that experience with you as well.  :)

So last week I confided in a lady in my body pump class, how I was thinking of also trying a cycling class or some cardio class of some sort.  This lady (her name is Susan) happens to be a few years older then me and I think she could probably be my mom.  She is one of those real supportive ladies that doesnt mind helping you keep yourself in line.  If she notices I stop to take a breather in class she thinks nothing of pointing in the direction that my focus should be.  :)  I love her!!  So she tells me cycling might be to much, that she does a cardio class on Tues and Thurs that she thinks would be a great fit for me.  So you guessed it, I hit that cardio class yesterday. 

I walked into the class and saw Susan and 3 other ladies her same age.  So here I am the young one of the group, but by all means not the fittest.  These are some pretty fit ladies I was standing there when.  I suddenly hear the voice of a man who is welcoming me, he is the instructor for the day.  He is introducing himself, telling me to get my equipment ready and explaining the class, while he is tieing a bandana around his head.  I must admit I was thinking this cant be to bad........ I am by far the youngest in this class and should have no problem keeping up. 

Lets just say the class starts out with a bench that we step up on, over, across, go straight over, tap your toe, go diagnal, tap your heel, do a turn toward the back of the class, back over the bench, straddle, tap toe, tap heel............. for cying out loud, I thought I was going to die of dizziness.  While these people are dancing all around and up and over this bench I AGAIN was wondering "JUST WHAT THE HECK HAVE I GOTTEN MYSELF INTO?"  And dont I dare stop to try to figure out what this routine is or I have fingers pointing at where my focus should be.  LOL  Well that was of course just the warm up for the class.

 We were then told to get a bouncy ball from the closet (sort of the size of a dodge ball)  Suddenly we are running around this room in a circle with the ball and we are told to bounce it or dribble it with one hand.  Just as I am thinking this isnt to bad, I realize one of those ladies is passing me....... YES passing me!!  So I start running faster, dribbling, all the while keeping an eye on my back door so no more of these seniors feel the need to run by me, dont these people know how to show a little mercy?  I just start getting my stride down and Mr Bandana man decides we need to use our less dominant hand to dribble the ball now.  Well, I dont think I even need to tell you what happened next.......... my ball is going everywhere accept back up to my hand, so much for caring whos passing me, because I am no longer running in the circle we are suspsosed me be in, but instead am chasing this stupid rubber ball all around the room interfering with the rest of the class.  Just when I thought it couldnt get any worse......... we are told to return our balls to the closet and get an exercise ball?  Exercise ball?  that sure seemed like a exercise ball to me...... but no its the big huge balls he was wanting us to get from the closet.

So I exit the closet trying to make it quickly back to my area and I notice all these people are sitting on these balls, arms outstretched, heads up, focused on the ceiling.   About the time I got myself sat down and stable on this thing we are told to now stretch back, walk our feet forward, and let the ball be positioned on our backs.  For the life of me I couldnt even stay balanced on this ball, much less get my feet moving forward enough to let this ball slide down into the position expected.  I (still sitting) look over at my friend Susan who is totally on her back, on this ball and her head is dropped back enough that I see her eyes looking at me and that sweet smile she flashes at me telling me "Its ok honey you will get it"  At this point I notice my reflection in the mirror and just what a frump I look like sitting on this ball trying to balance myself and suddenly wonder....."Has anyone ever popped one of these things?"  LOL  So as the rest the class gets back to their sitting position (where I have been alll along) The instructor says to me "Have you used a exercise ball before?"  I anser "NO, I most definitely have not"  He smiles and looks around the class and says "Most of us remember when these were invented, you were probably to young"  The class then laughs, nods and smiles at me.  At this point I realized not only am I bringing these people a whole lot of amusement being here, but they truly are rooting for me.  :)  Feels good to know people who dont even know you, want you to do well.  After class everyone was kind to me, asked me to come back, told me good job, all that good stuff.  I think I will go back. 

My experience doing the PUMP it up workout class on Monday Feb 20th

So I went to a 1 hour long "Pump it up" work out class yesterday that works cardio in with weights.  Here is my experience outlined:
**When I arrived everyone was set up in their spot with the cute little work out outfits/ their dumbbells, bars and benches.  It was obvious I should have arrived earlier to set my station up so I was starting to turn and leave.  At that point instructor says to me thru her mic "Are you a newcomer?"  I say to her (as I am trying to get closer to her so 30 people in the room dont hear me)  that it looks like they are all set up and ready to go so I will come back Wed  She in her most bubbly way says "OH NO, we will help you set your station up" at that point very engergetic girls run around getting everything I need for my hour of hell. 
**Instructor (while standing in front of room getting ready to start workout) announces to me they have me set up with minimum weights not like the regulars use so I am thinking "oh good this wont be to hard."
**Immediately she starts out with us using a bar bell with weights on it and says something about 200 squats to warm up.  (I chuckle thinking she is KIDDING)  She starts out and I am thinking "Wow she starts it out hard she must of been kidding about warming up"  A few more minutes into it she says "Are we warmed up?  Are we ready to get busy?"  OH GOSH I am wishing I wasn't so far from the door.
**15 minutes into class I have an urge to cry because I realize how ridiculous I look and that feeling I have in my gut that if I go 2 more minutes I will DIE and theres 45 more minutes on the clock.
**There are some  things I cant even do so I make up my own stuff just so I look like I am doing something.
**She repeatedly tells us to look straight ahead.  I dont like my view I see straight ahead, the lady in front of me has spandex shorts on that appear to be sliding down her backside and if they slide any further I am going to see the part of her lower back tattoo that I dont think is meant for the general public to see. 
**A very nice lady about 40 minutes in bounces over by me and says "hey honey your doing great, just keep it up"  As nice as she was I was realizing now why they put me so far away from the door.
**Toward the end of the work out they are doing this thing where you are on your forearms and your toes, body straight extended in air.  Honestly I just couldnt do it and I was done pretending I could so I just sort of layed flat on the floor.
**The music stops and I realize the workout is over as the instructor sings out "Did we feel it?" and the class breaks out in a cheer.  As I pull myself up off the floor I look around and notice almost everyone has already put all their stuff away and all I see is their small backsides exiting the room.
**At this point I look up and see the instructor and she says "so how was it, you coming back on Wednesday?"  at which point I say "Darn right I am coming back Wednesday......... or maybe Friday"  :)

Update:  Today is Tuesday and I feel like I have been ran over by a truck.  When I let my dogs out this morning I prayed they didnt run to the neighbors because if they did......... I wouldnt be going looking for them...... for fear I'd fall down in the field and woudlnt be able to get up. 

Confession- I am an addict.

Confession-  I am addicted to Diet Pepsi BIG time.  I have seriously been drinking a huge amount of pop daily since I was a young teenager.  Its like a way of life for me.  I drink it upon rising, I carry a fountain cup with me everywhere I go, I am known to carry cans of pop in my purse or coat pockets in case my cup runs dry and there is not fountain machines around.  I buy 2 liter bottles when we leave for a trip and just keep filling my glass as we head down the highway.  I probably purchase at least 3 sometimes 4 of the 44 oz fountains a day and on top of that I can demolish a case of pop at home in 3 to 4 days.  It is CRAZY bad.  So I have decided I am going to seriously try get break lose of this addiction.  
Today is my first day and I started my day with a 44 oz fountain pop and am currently ending my day with a 44 oz fountain pop.  I had no pop in between.  I know, I know, 88 ozs of pop is still a HUGE amount of pop, but for me its not.  The worst part is although I have still had about 1/3 of what I normally drink in a day, my head is not feeling the best.  I had some green tea today hoping that would replace some of the caffeine so I could avoid this headache, but I am realizing its probably the aspartame or lack of that is contributing to this headache I have going on right now.

So can I get this addiction of mine under control without any intervention? :)  I think I can, I gave up a 2 1/2 pack a day cigarette habit and gave all the glory to God.  NO patch, not hypnotist, but alot of prayer and the blessing of God's favor......so here I go down another road of seeing what I have in me and how much I will hand over to God and how much of it I will try to handle myself.  :)


           
                       

Doorways/ Open? Revolving? or Shut?

One afternoon recently I was sitting at the kitchen table enjoying time with my friend Connie Cimaglia and 2 of my boys Daniel and Derek.  Connie often has a lot of wisdom to offer, a way of getting you to look at things from a different angle and a huge ability to make you laugh.  You could say table talk with Connie is very enjoyable.

Every since that last meeting with her, I have been pondering something she shared with us.  She told us how important it is to not push doors open that God has already closed or is trying to close.  That just really stuck with me.   I think the hard part is KNOWING if God is trying to shut the door but we have been coming back thru it so much that its turned into one of those revolving doors that just keeps spinning around.  We are just stuck in there and continue moving round and round.  Now were out, OH were back in, nope I guess were out, NOPE we are back in again.  Some of the situations in my life have been like this and its maddening.  Theres so many doors in my life that I have turned into those revolving doors and I cant tell the difference on if God is shutting it or opening it because I let my own wants for my life to turn those doors into revolving doors that are IMPOSSIBLE to shut.

So let me just be REAL here.  I think sometimes we are so busy looking for God to open doors for us, we are to stubborn to notice the ones hes closing.  We tend to hang onto things so tightly and don't want to allow those doors to close.  I realized just recently that those doors that we are keeping open despite what God is trying to do, are the very things that we allow to own us. 

I myself have let way to many things in my life own me. 
**Jobs or businesses that I should of let go of long before I did.
**Relationships that I didn't want to admit I had been the sole investor in and the other person was     really not as interested in the friendship or relationship  as I was. It makes it really hard when its a    family member, someone that logic tells you that you have to hang on to this and make it work.
**The desire to fit in and be accepted in different areas of my life.
**The need to be everything to everybody.
**Insecurities
**The need to be everything to my children that I longed for as a child. 
 This list could go on...

Let me say that none of these things are bad.  Its good to not give up easily on a job, a business or a relationship.  Its good to want to be the best you can be.  But its not good to let those things own you to the extent that you stop listening to the direction God wants you to go and you only listen to your own needs, pride and desires. 

I think if everything seems to be going against you in an area of life.  Its important to ask God for wisdom, to ask him to reveal to you clearly if this is a door he is wanting to shut in your life, then LISTEN...... then have the courage to allow those doors to shut if thats where God is taking you. 

I used to have such a hard time letting doors shut, it felt like I was giving up, like I was failing, I am learning now that it just means I am listening to what God is telling me and I am MOVING FORWARD!!