Confession- I am an addict.

Confession-  I am addicted to Diet Pepsi BIG time.  I have seriously been drinking a huge amount of pop daily since I was a young teenager.  Its like a way of life for me.  I drink it upon rising, I carry a fountain cup with me everywhere I go, I am known to carry cans of pop in my purse or coat pockets in case my cup runs dry and there is not fountain machines around.  I buy 2 liter bottles when we leave for a trip and just keep filling my glass as we head down the highway.  I probably purchase at least 3 sometimes 4 of the 44 oz fountains a day and on top of that I can demolish a case of pop at home in 3 to 4 days.  It is CRAZY bad.  So I have decided I am going to seriously try get break lose of this addiction.  
Today is my first day and I started my day with a 44 oz fountain pop and am currently ending my day with a 44 oz fountain pop.  I had no pop in between.  I know, I know, 88 ozs of pop is still a HUGE amount of pop, but for me its not.  The worst part is although I have still had about 1/3 of what I normally drink in a day, my head is not feeling the best.  I had some green tea today hoping that would replace some of the caffeine so I could avoid this headache, but I am realizing its probably the aspartame or lack of that is contributing to this headache I have going on right now.

So can I get this addiction of mine under control without any intervention? :)  I think I can, I gave up a 2 1/2 pack a day cigarette habit and gave all the glory to God.  NO patch, not hypnotist, but alot of prayer and the blessing of God's favor......so here I go down another road of seeing what I have in me and how much I will hand over to God and how much of it I will try to handle myself.  :)


           
                       

Doorways/ Open? Revolving? or Shut?

One afternoon recently I was sitting at the kitchen table enjoying time with my friend Connie Cimaglia and 2 of my boys Daniel and Derek.  Connie often has a lot of wisdom to offer, a way of getting you to look at things from a different angle and a huge ability to make you laugh.  You could say table talk with Connie is very enjoyable.

Every since that last meeting with her, I have been pondering something she shared with us.  She told us how important it is to not push doors open that God has already closed or is trying to close.  That just really stuck with me.   I think the hard part is KNOWING if God is trying to shut the door but we have been coming back thru it so much that its turned into one of those revolving doors that just keeps spinning around.  We are just stuck in there and continue moving round and round.  Now were out, OH were back in, nope I guess were out, NOPE we are back in again.  Some of the situations in my life have been like this and its maddening.  Theres so many doors in my life that I have turned into those revolving doors and I cant tell the difference on if God is shutting it or opening it because I let my own wants for my life to turn those doors into revolving doors that are IMPOSSIBLE to shut.

So let me just be REAL here.  I think sometimes we are so busy looking for God to open doors for us, we are to stubborn to notice the ones hes closing.  We tend to hang onto things so tightly and don't want to allow those doors to close.  I realized just recently that those doors that we are keeping open despite what God is trying to do, are the very things that we allow to own us. 

I myself have let way to many things in my life own me. 
**Jobs or businesses that I should of let go of long before I did.
**Relationships that I didn't want to admit I had been the sole investor in and the other person was     really not as interested in the friendship or relationship  as I was. It makes it really hard when its a    family member, someone that logic tells you that you have to hang on to this and make it work.
**The desire to fit in and be accepted in different areas of my life.
**The need to be everything to everybody.
**Insecurities
**The need to be everything to my children that I longed for as a child. 
 This list could go on...

Let me say that none of these things are bad.  Its good to not give up easily on a job, a business or a relationship.  Its good to want to be the best you can be.  But its not good to let those things own you to the extent that you stop listening to the direction God wants you to go and you only listen to your own needs, pride and desires. 

I think if everything seems to be going against you in an area of life.  Its important to ask God for wisdom, to ask him to reveal to you clearly if this is a door he is wanting to shut in your life, then LISTEN...... then have the courage to allow those doors to shut if thats where God is taking you. 

I used to have such a hard time letting doors shut, it felt like I was giving up, like I was failing, I am learning now that it just means I am listening to what God is telling me and I am MOVING FORWARD!!

Thankful for Ms. Emily Knoke

Just had an amazingly blessed weekend with my boys and the 3 older ones girlfriends.  Sunday was capped off with church with all 4 of my boys (and the 3 beautiful girls I am blessed with knowing because my boys are dating them)  then lunch with Dan, Derek, Daniel and Emily, then home to hang out for the day before Daniel and Emily headed back to college.  The day was spent watching football, everyone taking turns getting a nap in and Emily and I deciding on a whim we'd try to make homemade sugar cookies with homemade frosting.  In the middle of cookie baking Daniel brought to my attention a blog he wrote about  his relationship with Emily.  (you can find the link to it on his facebook page and its well worth reading)  This blog reminded me of how thankful I am for Emily and I knew this was the place to share that, since I havent shared about her in a thankful post yet. 

I am so thankful for Ms Emily for many a reasons.   First of all she is a pure joy to be around and it is so obvious that she truly cares about people, ALL people.  She is one of those girls that you would just have to really try not to like and then you'd be lieing to yourself if you invented a reason not to.  :)  She truly doesnt have a spiteful bone in her body and she is the first to try to give anyone and everyone the benefit of the doubt.   I am so thankful for her gentle nature and her abilty to really care about people despite what the circumstances are. 

You might think "well someone like this is just a push over"  No not at all, shes got enough spunk to handle her own and keep the rest of us on her toes if she really wanted to.  She doesnt have her head in the clouds, she knows whats going on around her, she knows what people are capeable of, she just CHOOSES to give people the benefit of the doubt and the chance to show their better side.  Some peoople spend their time looking for whats wrong with other people and she spends her time focusing on all the things that are good in other people.  I am thankful for Emily and the way she can listen, be compassionate, understand how a person is feeling and love people thru things. 

I am thankful for the way Emily can end up on any end of the dinner table next to anyone, or seated next to anyone anywhere for that matter, and she makes that person feel important and shows she really enjoys talking to them.  She doesnt sit back and wait for people to talk to her first, to show her love first, to extend themselves to her first..... she is the first to strike up a conversation, to ask you about your day, ask you about your life and to truly listen and show interest in what you are sharing with her.  I remember at one of our first dinners out she was seated next to Derek and it crossed my mind that Emily would be visiting with Daniel and maybe we should have had Derek sit down closer to other members of the family so he'd have someone to visit with as well.  Didnt take but a few minutes before I realize that wasnt going to be an issue at all.  Emily and Derek visited thru most of the meal and she really showed interest and joy in talking to and getting to know her boyfriends, 14 year old brother.  Alot of young ladies her age may have been annoyed at the chatter of a 14 year old, but she really took advantage of the opportunity to get to know Derek.  I am so thankful that my son has brought home a young lady who cares about the entire family and not just whats going on with 'them'.  I am thankful for how she just jumped right in with the other women in the family.  No caddiness at all between the 3 older boys girlfriends, they are genuinely respectful and loving toward eachother and I am SO THANKFUL for that because I really adore all 3 of them so much and it would break my heart to have any awkwardness among them. 

There are so many things I am thankful for with Emily.  She is just a remarkable young woman who has so much to offer.  She is very free spirited and willing to try different things, consider different points of view and let people be exactly where they are at in life, without trying to change people.  I am very thankful that Daniel and  Miss Emily have become so fond of eachother, and she has come to be a part of our family.  I have enjoyed her so much and look forward to the added blessing of her being part of our lives..... not to mention we have the sugar cookie to perfect.  :)    I always say there are some people in life that you just know how easy it will be to know them within a short time of meeting them and she is one of those people to me.  Its just comfortable, she has never felt like a visitor to us, but just like someone who has come home.  I am so thankful that I have that type of relationship with someone who is OBVIOUSLY so important to my son.  :)

Thankful for Miss Paige Cline

So the month of November I intended on sharing each and every day something I was thankful for.  Ends up life took its own course and I didnt get the opportunity to do it every day.  Which means I still have a bit more to share and thought this is just as good a month as November to be thankful. 

Sometimes in life there are certain people that just tip toe into your life and move their way into the deepest part of your heart and take up a residency there.  Its the type of "I am settling in and plan to be here for a long time residency"  The kind that you'd be absolutely lost without.  That is what my oldest son's love of his life, has done over the course of the past several years.  Miss Paige Cline has become a HUGE part of our family and I am so thankful for her. 

I am thankful for how REAL she is.  This is a huge requirement in any relationship as far as I am concerned.   I want to know the REAL you. the good the bad and the crazy.  :)  Paige is real, you know if she tells you something its coming from her heart and not something she is just saying to say.   She truly is one of the most loyal people I know and when she cares about someone, she cares about them with every ounce of her being.  I can truly say that I know without a shadow of a doubt that this is one young lady that I can ALWAYS count on to have my back and to help hold me up when life has made my knees a little weak.  Not only is Paige this person to me, but to our family.  

I am thankful for the role Paige has taken in my 2 youngest boys lives.  Paige has always made a huge effort to support them in all of their sporting events, choir, musicals, achievment ceremonies and any other areas that she could.  Although she has went to school and/or worked 2 jobs for as long as I have known her, she has ALWAYS made the effort to make sure to find out the boys schedules and be a constant 'cheerleader' in their lives.   Paige has been like an older sister to the boys and I am so thankful that they have had her to not only count on as a constant in their life, but she has also set a wonderful example to them of how a woman should treat not only the person she loves but also their family.

I am very thankful to know that my son Mark has such a remarkable young lady such as Paige to share his life with.  Of course I love my children and think they deserve nothing but the best and this is what he has gotten.  The qualities I desribed about Paige, being supportive, loyal and honest are all qualities that shine in her relationship with Mark.  She truly loves him and its so obvious that his happiness is of importance to her.  It brings my heart so much joy to know that Mark has someone who cares about him the way Paige does. 

I could go on and on about all the things I am thankful for about Paige. Anyone who knows me, knows I adore Paige. She has become like a daughter to me. I feel we have a very special relationship and that I can show her my good my bad and even my crazy and shes gonna love me in spite of it all. Not only does she own a huge part of my heart but she has also taken up a space in my husbands and I am thankful for the very special relationship they have as well. She cares about all of us and embraces us as her family and I am so very thankful that she is part of all of our lives. Not only is she part of this family but she has become a very special friend. Hugs and Love to you Miss Paige Cline, you are a true blessing to all of us.

I am thankful for my daughter Tara

She was 4 years old when I met her.  The first day I met her she jumped right up into her dads truck and was ready to conquer the world...... or at least the boys that she'd be spending the weekend with.  :)  Being the oldest of 2 boys at the age of 4 was a pretty big responsibility and one that if ANYONE could handle, TARA could. 

Assuming the position of being a parental figure but not crossing the line and trying to take the "Mom" spot in a child's life can be somewhat of a tough rope to balance in itself.  Add to that, the fact you are 22 years old and have spent your last 3 years learning how to parent a son and now need to be able to apply that to a 4 year old little girl, it can be even a bit tougher.  I am very thankful that Tara wasn't to much of a girly girl and even at the age of 4 could show me some grace for not always knowing exactly what I was doing. 

I am thankful for Tara's desire to just jump in and have a good time.  I am thankful for the older sister role she played in the boys life when she was younger and her desire to be helpful.  At the age of 9 she had 4 younger brothers and she could be very helpful.  I am thankful for her adventurous spirit and her desire to try new things in life. 

I am thankful for the areas in Tara's life that she has made room for me to get to be part of some of the "mother/ daughter" things that you just dont get to do with boys.  Although I love my boys to pieces, I am thankful I was able to be part of some of the girl things with Tara as well.  I am thankful for her including me on lots of boy talk when she was in middle school and high school, I am thankful for getting to help her pick out a few dresses for the school dances and for getting to be part of helping her with her wedding.  Sitting around the table with her as we made her flowers for her wedding is a memory I will always be thankful for.  I do cherish the memories I have with Tara and I am thankful I have her as a daughter. 

Thankful for my son Aaron

He was 2 and half years old when I met him. I fell in love with his father at the age of 22 and instantly went from having my own 3 year old son to an additional 2 children.  My now-daughter Tara who was 4 and Aaron.  I remember when I first met him, we were riding in his dad's work truck and he being just a little guy put one hand on his dads lap and said "My Daddy", then he placed his hand on my lap and said as a question "Mommy?"  We both told him that I was Becky.    Aaron had his Mommy and there was no reason to confuse him nor did I ever plan to take her place, Aaron seemed content with our answer.  However, little did I know on that day many years ago, that regardless if I wasn't the "Mommy" and never would be the "Mommy" because in all fairness, he had one..... I would grow to love him just like any Mommy loves her son. 

I am very thankful for my relationship with Aaron.  Due to the circumstances, things were not always the easiest and to be honest there were a few times we down right struggled with our place in each others lives. I am so thankful for Aaron's willingness to keep moving forward.  I am thankful for his down to earth outlook on things and his ability to try to understand how the other person is feeling.  I am thankful for the way Aaron pays attention to other people and has a genuine interest in how other people are doing in their lives.  Aaron is a supportive person of other people and the goals that person has in their lives and he shares in other peoples excitement when they have accomplished something. 

I am thankful for Aaron's enthusiasm, he is always up to trying new things and trys to keep a positive outlook on what we are doing.  I am also thankful for his even temper and how he is slow to anger and carefully considers different perspectives.  He is the person who likes to try to calm the storms.   He is also  a good guy to have around when trying to get something accomplished.  He doesn't give up easily and is good at encouraging those around him that if there is a will there is a way.  An example of that would be his ability to be handed a tent he has never seen before, that is probably missing half the poles and no instructions, yet he still puts forward his best effort and can usually set the thing up.  To me this is a testament of keeping a good attitude toward all possibilities.

I am most thankful for Aaron's heart, his willingness to see things for what they are instead of what things may seem to be.  I am thankful for the many conversations we have had and the many times we have been able to work thru difficult situations.  I am very proud of Aaron and the way he treats the people in his life and the respect he displays for himself.  I consider it a blessing to have gotten to play in some sort of parental role in his life and become good friends thru the years.  Although I know and respect the fact that I will never be Aaron's "Mommy" he will always be my son, whom I love dearly and am very thankful for.  I love you Aaron and am glad we have the relationship we have, you are a blessing in my life.

Thankful for my son Mark

When I look back at how young I was when I had my oldest son Mark, it amazes me.  I was barely 19 years old the day he was born.  I am so thankful that God's grace was over me and helped me.  I am so thankful that although I was so young he blessed me with such a wonderful son.

I am thankful for Mark and the way he stands up for everything he believes in.  I am thankful for his loyalty to the people he loves and his willingness to stand behind people and support people.  Mark is one of the most loyal people you are ever going to meet.  Hes that one guy that most people who know him would quickly say his name if they were asked, "If you were in a position you needed someone to have your back, who would you choose?"  I am thankful for Mark's heart and his willingness to consider how other people might be feeling.   You may not always see it, but he is always taking in what is being said and he is open to considering the other side.  I am thankful for this quality because it opens his heart to different ideas.

I am thankful for what great care Mark takes of the things he has and how much he appreciates things that are given to him or done for him.  I am thankful for the friendship I have with Mark and the fact that he is part of our life not just because hes our child and we are his parents, but he truly shows interest in our lives and wanting to spend time with us.  We have had so many great memories that alot of parents may not get the opportunity to have with their adult children.

I am thankful for Marks love for the Lord and his desire to learn more about him and have a closer relationship with him.  I am thankful for his willingness to wittness about the Love Jesus has for us even at times that its not the easiest to do so.  I am very proud and thankful for how encouraging Mark has been to other family members with their music and Marks desire to help people sound the best they can.  Mark has a wonderful spirit that cares for and loves other people and I have felt so blessed to be able to be his mother.  I am thankful for his grace he has had for me as his Mom.  I remember talking to him once about me questioning if I was as good of a Mom to him at 19 and my early 20s as I was to Derek in my late 20s and 30s  His response was full of love and compassion when he said "Mom when someone does something, year to year they should definitely get BETTER at whatever they are doing, so I EXPECT you to be better now then you were that many years ago"  He has an awesome heart and I am honored that I have been given the blessing of being his Mother.